The other side of the mirror [Part 1]

I’m often viewed as a wanderer with no place to rest. In my lifetime, I've seen many occurrences and dealt with them as they came my way. Yet, to this day, I still remain lost on settling and in shattered pieces to my life’s puzzle. So as I stand, before this mirror, pouring my heart out on a 19 inch screen in black coloring, I shall take what I've learned and point it in the direction needed. But first … this omniscient being must dress for the part. 6:15am … boards a plane to a place of serenity. So much filled in, yet so empty. Sitting alone in an empty sky, my thoughts can no longer escape into the clouds, as I am here, facing what is or what shall be the evaluation of my personality. At this height, one could only imagine what thoughts passes through the mind around this time. I, on the other hand, am continuing to establish what is inside of me and why I am the way I am. It’s almost as if I had taken a pill. I was told it for a particular treatment and it’ll subdue my pain. But what should it take so long? What happened to the fast acting part? Was that just to lure me in? 7:03am ... Just made it over PA! Wow, the land looks so far. I wish my arms were long enough to touch it from here to see if the texture was still the same. The thoughts of my get away are still boiling in my head. It makes me happy. It hasn't been done in a while and I don’t know why. Guess I’m just driven to different places. But alas, turbulence, as we head higher, I wonder what's going on in cyber land? But wait! Should I even care? It’s not like I care what people think, but more like I like to know what they’re thinking of; How does Siflan do it? Why does Siflan do it? Yet, up here, all alone, with no one to talk to in the tightest chair next to the emergency exit, I sit as Gary. Plain and simple. No gimmicks or propaganda. The paparazzi left behind. First evaluation: My analytical way of thinking often leaves me in a bind because sometimes I get too tied up in trying to break down the character of a person in order to understand where they begin. I often run into walls I can’t get around and lose interest other than accepting what they have and letting it be. Why do I find myself doing so much? I guess it’s to clarify what type of person I’d like to have around me. But in turn, finding that *perfection* always seem to elude me. 7:53am: A few steps closer to Georgia. I feel my heart stop and then start again. I’m almost there! My ears clog … it’s almost like my thoughts were put on hold for a moment. I yawn, swallow … nothing helps. Oh I forgot the plane does it to you. Approaching me is like seeing a heavily guarded fortress. Though the look may be inviting, it takes a lot more patience and work. In my previous four relationships, I've never looked at myself the way I do now. I've always only saw *my way* as if it were leading into being a dictatorship. Meaning, if I didn’t like it or didn’t want it, it wouldn’t be there. I can admit, at least now, that I've fucked up a couple of good ones and just narrowly escaped bad ones. In turn, I still stand alone once again to torment myself in the obscurity of what the light really has to bring. So in a phrase, I push people away to only see them from a different angle ... not such a good thing in my world, but healthy if I want things to be right for me. Wait ... I think I think too much of myself! I'm lost in thought. 8:26am ... Finally landed in Atlanta, rushing to the air train to catch my connecting flight to Savannah. This bag is getting really heavy, but I know I'll make it on time. The different scenery loses me for a moment, but I quickly snap back, board the train, catch my flight in the nick of time. 10:21am ... no new thoughts. Too busy getting to Savannah and out of the airport. 11:03am … made it to the hotel. The bugs are buzzing. They have a pool, but it’s dirty. Don’t think I’ll be getting in. I let myself in … close the door … leave the television off … sat in silence. Not a lot of things I could do just yet to entertain myself, but I do need to find something to eat. I must thank someone for leading me around Savannah and other places due to my difficulty obtaining … Guess things happen for a reason. While I enjoyed my stay, seven poems were written … here’s one:

Lost and alone with no way out
I sit deep in my puddle soaking in this water that consumes what’s beneath me.
I feel drowned, no oxygen to breathe, nothing to keep me dry.
Though I cherish this moment as I choose not to escape,
but to face what has been brought to surface.
A lot of time elapses … day turns to night …
mosquitoes are on the prowl …
more poems to come as the day troops on